


like burned up ash, another day disappears

by arabmorgan



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 02:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arabmorgan/pseuds/arabmorgan
Summary: The Melon Music Awards leave them all shaken.





	like burned up ash, another day disappears

**Author's Note:**

> Idk why but the MMAs hit me really, really hard. I wrote half of this in Notes on my phone at like 1:30am last night and promptly forgot about it till sometime this afternoon, so if this feels rough, abstract and excessively angsty that's probably why and I'm sorry for it.

There’s a certain way that Minhyun gets when he’s upset. He closes himself off, builds his walls up brick by brick as if working through his tears on his own will help make things any easier at all. He doesn’t get openly upset, just _brittle_ , the kind of brittle that makes Jisung back off in defeat after a single question of concern, lest he shatter Minhyun with the weight of another word.

Jinyoung doesn’t get it, not really, but he wants to.

There’s a war going on inside of Minhyun, chipping away at his insides bit by bit the closer they get to the end of December, leaving hollows beneath his cheeks and puffy bags beneath his eyes. It’s one part trepidation and another part longing, but most of it is simply guilt, heavy and damning.

Jinyoung feels some if it too, the heaviness pulling on his soul, clogging up his throat until his voice breaks with pent-up emotion in the middle of his speech.

Maybe he’s not as strong as Minhyun, but then again, he’s never had to be.

It’s quiet in his room that night, the kind of quiet that leaves his stomach churning with unease. Daehwi is long gone, having slipped quietly from Jinyoung’s side the moment they set foot back in the dorm. He is probably holed up in Woojin’s room and will be till the next morning, but as much as he adores the younger boy, it’s not Daehwi’s company that Jinyoung wants right then.

Maybe it’s because Minhyun is still the taller of the two despite the way Jinyoung has shot up in height, one of the very few members left who can still embrace his lanky frame in its entirety, and probably the only one who still does it with any regularity at all. It’s always Jinyoung who trails over from one apartment to the next in the dead of night, dragging his feet until he comes to a stop by Minhyun’s bed, before tumbling in without a care in the world. No matter what, whether or not he even wakes, Minhyun will always find a way to throw an entire leg and arm right over Jinyoung, trapping him securely in place in a cocoon of warmth.

But that night, Jinyoung only curls up in his own bed and blinks blankly at the shadowed corners of his room, wishing for the comforting weight of Minhyun’s body draped over him yet knowing at the same time that Minhyun will not want him barging in today. Not when he shares a room with Sungwoon, whose laugh has been as fragile as a wilting daisy the whole night. Not when the whole place will surely be a den of torn emotions, ragged at the edges with grief for both the present and the future.

Jinyoung doesn’t know what will become of him the following year, and he envies Minhyun that sometimes. Surely ignorance is far more frightening than already knowing what the future holds in store. At least, he thinks so, but he’s never really known the curiosities that go through Minhyun’s mind.

There’s this strange quality about Minhyun, the way he sometimes feels unreachable but not untouchable, the same way Jinyoung can stretch out by Minhyun’s side and allow himself to be lulled to sleep by the sensation of gentle fingers running through his hair, even though he is never quite sure who Minhyun really is whenever he thinks about it. There have always been walls around Minhyun’s heart, a remote wariness that has never faded despite the trickles of affection that manage to slip through the cracks, more and more with each passing month.

Jinyoung thinks about Minhyun a lot.

Sometimes, he thinks it’d be nice to be him, to stand in the shoes of someone like Hwang Minhyun for a day. Most of the time, he just wants to stay beside him always.

Slowly, he dozes amidst the jumble of thoughts in his head, tears and triumph and affection all tangled together irreversibly. He almost misses the whisper of the door opening behind him, the sound of bare feet padding against the tiled floor, the swell of something warm in his chest, something a lot like hope but not quite. Something more.

Minhyun’s foot is cold from his journey where it presses against his bare calf, his hand reaching over Jinyoung’s arm to grasp lightly for his fingers. Jinyoung opens his hand and Minhyun fits them together neatly, palm to back, fingers interlocking. When he feels Minhyun’s nose burrow into his hair, Jinyoung exhales, driving the air out of himself, shrinking back into safety.

The way Minhyun presses himself close feels like desperation, like he is somehow holding himself together simply by holding on to Jinyoung, fighting not to be sucked away into the depths of his own mind. Jinyoung wonders if it’s always been like this, if he’s always been Minhyun’s tether the same way Minhyun has become his shelter, and if it’s simply more obvious tonight, with all their emotions flayed open and laid bare. He wonders why Minhyun is even here.

Maybe there’s a gate somewhere along Minhyun’s walls, and maybe he’s had the key all along after all.

For the first time, he turns over. He sees the gleam of Minhyun’s eyes in the dark, watching and waiting, soft and hard all at the same time. Jinyoung exhales again and ducks down, tucking the top of his head beneath Minhyun’s chin and pressing his face to a warm chest. He slings his arm over Minhyun’s hip and breathes in deep, and if he feels the hitching sob that catches somewhere between Minhyun’s chest and throat, neither of them says a thing.

Maybe it’s harder to be caught in between than to be nowhere at all. Or maybe it’s better to have a home to return to than to have to face the great unknown ahead. Jinyoung doesn’t know, and maybe Minhyun doesn’t either.

He only knows that right there, right then, with Minhyun’s arms around him, the ache in his chest hurts less than before, the roar in his head quieting to a manageable murmur. For Jinyoung, that is enough.

He just hopes that it is enough for Minhyun too.


End file.
